sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My dick has a subreddit
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
