she woke up with a sticky ear
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
