That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
