look no pants
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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