I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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