Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
