if you like me you must not know who I am
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
