so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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