I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
