Kiss
Puke
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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