Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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