If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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