This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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