Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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