I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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