the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
