you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
