dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
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My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
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I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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