I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I puked a lego.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.