Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
I am so proud to call you my friend
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.