you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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