SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
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She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
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Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream