just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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