I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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