Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
