So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
