Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
