You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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