I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
