that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
