I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
