so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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