so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
