You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
