just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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