but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
