Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
