just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
