I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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