I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Randomize
