My liver just broke up with me...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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