i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
