did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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