God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
