we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
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The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
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I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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