thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
