Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
