did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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