I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My dick has a subreddit
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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