so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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