Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i need to put some appletini on your dick
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
