is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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