when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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