I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
