You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
