I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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