insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
