You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
