just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
