just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
