ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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