he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
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Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
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I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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