whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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