i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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