how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
