We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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