Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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