I wish I could teleport
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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