First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
