I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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