Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
high people should be assigned attendants
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
