I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
