I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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