I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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