i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
