Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
